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Topics - Pigmeat

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Huh? / Al, we've got problems with the Moon.
« on: July 21, 2016, 1548 UTC »
NASA is planning to mine it. There goes our green cheese monopoly. Damn Gubamint!

Huh? / Danger! Al Fansome! Danger!
« on: July 21, 2016, 0017 UTC »
50 state hotdog recall. Stay away from wienie carts, like Prius's.

Huh? / 3.7 magnitude earthquake off Daytona Beach.
« on: July 17, 2016, 1727 UTC »
Algae is up, Dude!

Huh? / Kittens, the unknown menace.
« on: July 16, 2016, 1135 UTC »
A couple of weeks ago the wife came home with a two kittens, demons in feline form, we'll call them Trixie and Norton to protect the semi-innocent. Tuesday night when I'm heading downstairs for my milk and cookies, Trixie latches on to my ankle, and down the steps I go. I'm so beat up I haven't slept more than 10-12 hours since.

Sleep deprivation gives you plenty of time to think, and after a few days your thoughts become focused on certain questions, such as, "Who is behind the Kitten Menace and why?" This is what I've come up with; It has to be a cat lover, it has to be a bird hater, as they are the natural prey of cats, and it has to be someone insanely jealous of me. Putting three and twenty blackbirds together, Pi, and the long list of men who lurk in my shadow, things began to add up. Is one of them a bird hater? Yes, he loathes the noble penguin. Does he like cats? Again, yes, as his social media is full of pics of the fiends in fur. Is he insanely jealous of me? You bet, I used to get all the hot chicks on the FRN which annoyed him to no end, plus I had to relay all of his programming as he couldn't operate a simple transmitter. Who is this fiend? I think you can guess.

Meanwhile, despite this bounder's efforts to dethrone me, I was able to solve a decades old mystery. What became of Amelia Earhart. I know and I'm not telling.

This lack of sleep thing is great. I don't think I'll ever take up snoozing again. No wonder tweakers are so knowledgeable, logical, erudite and fashionably thin. They've discovered the secret to super consciousness, no sleep! Wait until I call George Noory with the good news!

As for the Fiend. I'm watching you and I never sleep. That turkey will never pull a coup on me.

Huh? / Hey Al, do you have any of that money left?
« on: July 13, 2016, 1402 UTC »
The FBI has given up on your case.

Huh? / Morse code on Martian surface decoded!
« on: July 13, 2016, 0954 UTC »
It reads, "Al Fansome, check your tire pressure." in proto-Sumerian. It also says, "Happy Birthday, Great Leader!" in modern Korean. It's nice of the Martians to send messages to prominent Earthlings in their native languages.

As North Korea broke off ties with the UN yesterday, it may be awhile before we get final confirmation from the scientists who made this momentous discovery.

Huh? / Someone is running behind on their obit notices......
« on: June 30, 2016, 1953 UTC »
I won't say who that fella might be, but one of the original Memphis Mafia passed a couple of days back and there wasn't a peep out of him. Did our correspondent get stuck in another owl burrow?

Huh? / Happy Tau Day!
« on: June 29, 2016, 1426 UTC »
Much cooler than Pi Day.

Huh? / Scorpions.......
« on: June 27, 2016, 0507 UTC »
I brushed one of the lil' bastards off my sleeve after taking the trash out. The high water has run them out of their normal stomping grounds. They're somewhat rare here, but they do pop up from time to time. I might send a box to my buddy Fansome for classification. He's a famous bug man, a cootie expert of worldwide renown.

Huh? / Ralph Stanley dies.......
« on: June 24, 2016, 1232 UTC »
That's what he gets for making off with my beer 36 years ago. You tried to run Ralph, but it didn't do you a bit of good.

Other than being a habitual beer thief, Ralph was a pretty good guy. The boys at the old Rose Garden will be hoisting a few to you tonight, Ralph. RIP ol' buddy.

Huh? / Tear down Stonehenge!
« on: June 22, 2016, 0419 UTC »
It's no longer needed. I've got it covered.

My gnomon, a 5 ft. fence post has once again proven to be true. The Earth tilted 5/8th's of inch back to the north today compared to the Solstice measurement.

Tear that old pile of rocks down and haul it away. It's an eyesore that draws hippies. Al, doesn't FANCO own the salvage rights for all Neolithic monuments in the British Isles? You're going to make a killing turning old rocks into traffic barriers. Don't forget to compensate that lil' ol' gnomon maker, me.

Now that I'm the Master of Time, what to do next?  I'm thinking coal fired, steam powered, electric cars. They'll crush the Tesla's, literally

General Radio Discussion / Second moon discovered.......
« on: June 18, 2016, 1936 UTC »
an asteroid found orbiting the earth, apparently captured by Earth's gravity sometime in the past one hundred years.

Is this the Fansomian Death Star Al has been going on about for years?

Huh? / Fermi Paradox solved!
« on: June 17, 2016, 1933 UTC »
Only 1500 Earth years until creatures from your home planet contact you, Al. What's that in your species time frame, later this afternoon?

Good luck, Moon Boy, and take a few penguin sandwiches for the trip.

Huh? / Hey Al, some folks in Sacramento........
« on: June 16, 2016, 0818 UTC »
are offering fifty-thousand bucks if you show up at the court house,let them take a few pics and run a few tests to verify who you are. Some sort of thing involving a fella who looked like you back in the 70's, but they need proof you're the guy. There were some sketches on television today. Sheer luck that I spotted them out of the corner of my eye and recognized it was you. I'll drive you out to collect. You can thank me later.

Huh? / Al, you should try rooftop stargazing.......
« on: June 07, 2016, 0329 UTC »
You'll enjoy it. The next week looks prime for it. Use a steel cross-staff for determining altitude, they don't warp like the wooden ones.

Have fun!

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