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Author Topic: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed  (Read 1949 times)

Offline outhouse radio

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A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« on: August 04, 2013, 2045 UTC »
How to Give a Cat a Pill

1.  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of catís mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2.  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3.  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4.  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5.  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.
6.  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7.  Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8.  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9.  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11.  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12.  Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13.  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14.  Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15.  Call the Vet and arrange appointment for professional help.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1.  Wrap it in bacon.
2.  Toss it in the air.

Offline Pigmeat

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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2013, 2054 UTC »

Nothing like watching someone try to pill a cat or clip its claws. Anyone who tries it, is asking for what they get.

Offline Zoidberg

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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2013, 2117 UTC »
LOLicious.   ;D

Been there, done that, both with cats and dogs.  Siamese cats are pretty easy to give meds and shots compared with other breeds.  They're more like catdogs... very neurotic catdogs.  My Persian mix, on the other paw, is a demon spawn bitch from the underworld when it comes to doing anything that isn't her idea.

Dogs are too easy.  At worst, when they figure out we're up to something with pills, shots or visits to the vet they'll give you this droopy eyed, "Ohhh, nooo" look.  Hangdog, I think it's called.
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Offline Sealord

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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2013, 2202 UTC »
We had a vizsla that always knew when we were trying to sneak pills in her food - she was a pro at eating pill laced cheese puffs and then spit the pill back out whole.  On the opposite side - I have a diabetic cat that gets a shot every morning & evening and never flinches or fusses, he just wants snacks afterwards.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2013, 2310 UTC by Sealord »
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Offline Jolly Roger

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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2013, 0125 UTC »
We have 5 (!!!) cats, and have hours of cat stories. One device our vet gave us resembles a hypo needle; you put your pill in it, gently pop open the cats mouth by squeezing in on it's cheeks, and pop the pill into the back of it's throat. Easy Peasy. However, we have one cat that WILL shred you if you try to bathe it, and one cat that will sit peacefully in a tub of water and wait there for you while you go get another coffee.
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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2013, 0528 UTC »
Nothing like watching someone try to pill a cat or clip its claws. Anyone who tries it, is asking for what they get.

+1 ;D
* cmradio has four cats

Offline diymedia

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Re: A Dog = Mans best friend indeed
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2013, 1640 UTC »
Two cats here (both torties). One had epilepsy and had to be pilled twice a day for several years. Cats like routine, too...so if you make it a routine thing it certainly becomes easier with time. (Pop the jaw, drop the pill, close the mouth, massage the throat, then treat-time!).

Claw-clipping ain't bad, either...but they do seem to express some relief when they're no longer getting paws hung up on carpet, the scratching post, etc. One of 'em occasionally protests like she's being slowly but mortally wounded but I've never had them scratch/bite.


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