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Author Topic: The penguin solution.  (Read 986 times)

Offline Pigmeat

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The penguin solution.
« on: December 01, 2016, 1303 UTC »
I worry about Al and his fear of the beasts. For years I've worked in my spare time trying to come up with the perfect animal to cull the population. I was down to wolverines or cats when I was reading a study of the spread of human population of the Pacific Islands and the impact that it had on the flora and fauna. There were diverse species of birds, some monstrous others a myriad of new species descended from a handful of birds swept by winds to these islands. They all disappeared within generations of human arrival.

Now, no fool except for addled scientists and Elon Musk would want to inhabit such a place as Antarctica, so the majority of humanity was out. However it turns out that rats brought aboard the vessels of these early travelers were responsible for the end of these many bird species. Rats breed quickly, are social animals and most importantly, they burrow. The solution was scrambling around Capt. Ron's discarded box, Norway brown rats. They're adapted to the cold, they can burrow deep enough to survive the fierce winters, and they eat bird eggs like Al eats pistachios. From my calculations penguin colony collapse should occur within three years of introduction.

We do need tenders for the rats, people who behave and smell like rats, and speak the squeal. That's why I've reached out to certain former members of the Rodent Revolution to join in the effort, who've agreed under duress. Many of them once said it would "Be a cold day before we have anything to do with you and Fansome." That day has arrived. To the boats and careful with the rat chow!

Offline Josh

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Re: The penguin solution.
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2016, 1839 UTC »
I don't know Al, and he seems very nice, but this plan is plausible.
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