The last one is followed by a Captain Murphy video, ironic as one of Al's other arch-enemies sometimes goes by the last name of Murphy, a very graves mistake. I don't know what Al has against the Irish, but he's not fond of that other tater eater, Pauly Juana Kracker, either? I think he doesn't like the kind of Irish that pretend to be rabbits and sell t-shirts or claim to be leprechaun MMA fighters? Whatever.
Josh, it's hard to explain how Cap'n Ron became a penguin, it's nearly unbelievable in fact, but here goes. Do you remember the remake of the old sci-fi movie,"The Fly"? Al got all excited seeing Geena Davis romp around nekkid in it. Al's a Cal-Tech man, he knew he could throw those transforming pods together out of phone booths and microwave parts in an afternoon. He had some of Geena Davis toenail clippings, don't ask, all he now needed a donor for living Davis cells. Wouldn't you know that Ron was Geena's ninth cousin three times removed?
Al consulted the Bible and decided he needed one of Cap'n Ron's spare ribs to complete his plan. When Al went out to Ron's box to feed him, he slipped roofies in Ron's Dinty Moore Beef Stew. When the Cap nodded out, Al hauled him inside, sterilized his Boy Scout knife, and headed into the pod room where he had Cap'n Ron on the dining room table and an "Operation" game set up to give him an idea as where to carve. Al had barely started making the "X" with a Sharpie when Ron came to. All Hell broke loose, there was huge struggle, and Al only saved his skin by flinging a stuffed penguin at Ron, sending it and Ron into the first pod. Al slammed the door on the thing, but he'd failed to include fail-safe features in his device, as it was going to be a one-off. When the door shut on pod A, it shut on pod B, and the device was operational. Al, being a quick thinker, knew that whatever came out of B was going to a fish eater. He quickly opened a can of sardines, stuffed one with more roofies and waited. When pod B opened there was penguin Cap'n Ron, Al tossed the sardine at him which his newly acquired penguin nature caused him to instinctively gulp down. Al then flung the rest of the can at him and hid in the woods until the squawking died down.
Al came up with brilliant plan based on the amnesia like effect of roofies. He went back in the trailer and wrote a note. It said, "Ron, we have kidnapped Al and turned you into penguin. If you don't want worse, you will send us your transmitters." It was signed "JTA and Radio Bob" followed by this p.s.; "Check your sardines, fish-breath. Bub left you a present." There was cat turd sitting on the remaining sardines. The Captain was enraged and bent on revenge. Within a month Radio Bob had quit pirate radio and Bub had disappeared. He lutefisk boarded JTA and found out that not only were JTA and Bob arch-enemies, JTA had been seen the very evening the transformation took place playing croquet with one Miss J. L. of Eskimo Acres, and had witnesses to prove it. To keep Bob quiet, Al's company, FANCO had him put in charge of HAARP, where he lives to this day keeping an eye on Sarah Palin's ever changing implants. What's left of Bub is stapled to Donald Trump's head.
Ron has been searching high and low for Fansome since finding out who was really responsible for him being a penguin. This is why Al feared penguins. Was it a real penguin, or Cap'n Ron come for revenge wearing only his feathers?
Now, I don't want you thinking Al is all bad. His improved pods have done a semi-decent job on Kaitlyn Jenner and the former Dan Coulter, if you slap enough paint on them. They're happy with it and that's all that counts. Once the Izzy Newton of Pirate Radio figures out the Adam's apple conundrum, his manfembots will rule the world! Well at least the tranny porn world.
And that, as the red-headed fella on radio said, is the rest of the story.
Topic: Inquiring minds want to know (Read 6184 times)