AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to |
| Mug Me in Downtown |
| Savannah night before |
| last. |
| |
| Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 |
| a.m. E.S.T. |
| |
| I was the guy wearing the |
| black Burberry jacket that|
| you demanded that I hand |
| over, shortly after you |
| pulled the knife on me and|
| my girlfriend, threatening|
| our lives. You also asked |
| for my girlfriend's purse |
| and earrings. I can only |
| hope that you somehow come|
| across this rather |
| important message. |
| |
| First, I'd like to |
| apologize for your |
| embarrassment; I didn't |
| expect you to actually |
| crap in your pants when I |
| drew my pistol after you |
| took my jacket. The |
| evening was not that cold,|
| and I was wearing the |
| jacket for a reason. My |
| girlfriend had just bought|
| me that Kimber Model |
| 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my|
| birthday, and we had |
| picked up a shoulder |
| holster for it that very |
| evening. Obviously you |
| agree that it is a very |
| intimidating weapon when |
| pointed at your head ... |
| isn't it?! |
| I know it probably wasn't|
| fun walking back to |
| wherever you'd come from |
| with that brown sludge in |
| your pants. I'm sure it |
| was even worse walking |
| bare-footed since I made |
| you leave your shoes, cell|
| phone, and wallet with me.|
| [That prevented you from |
| calling or running to your|
| buddies to come help mug |
| us again]. |
| |
| After I called your |
| mother or "Momma" as you |
| had her listed in your |
| cell, I explained the |
| entire episode of what |
| you'd done. Then I went |
| and filled up my gas tank |
| as well as those of four |
| other people in the gas |
| station, -- on your credit|
| card. The guy with the big|
| motor home took 150 |
| gallons and was extremely |
| grateful! |
| |
| I gave your shoes to a |
| homeless guy outside |
| Vinnie Van Go Go's, along |
| with all the cash in your |
| wallet. [That made his |
| day!] |
| |
| I then threw your wallet |
| into the big pink "pimp |
| mobile" that was parked at|
| the curb ... after I broke|
| the windshield and side |
| window and keyed the |
| entire driver's side of |
| the car. |
| |
| Later, I called a bunch |
| of phone sex numbers from |
| your cell phone. Ma Bell |
| just now shut down the |
| line, although I only used|
| the phone for a little |
| over a day now, so what 's|
| going on with that? |
| Earlier, I managed to get |
| in two threatening phone |
| calls to the DA's office |
| and one to the FBI, while |
| mentioning President Obama|
| as my possible target. |
| |
| The FBI guy seemed really|
| intense and we had a nice |
| long chat (I guess while |
| he traced your number |
| etc.). |
| |
| In a way, perhaps I |
| should apologize for not |
| killing you ... but I feel|
| this type of retribution |
| is a far more appropriate |
| punishment for your |
| threatened crime. I wish |
| you well as you try to |
| sort through some of these|
| rather immediate pressing |
| issues, and can only hope |
| that you have the |
| opportunity to reflect |
| upon, and perhaps |
| reconsider, the career |
| path you've chosen to |
| pursue in life. Remember, |
| next time you might not be|
| so lucky.Have a good day! |
| Thoughtfully yours, |
| Alex |
| |
| P.S. Remember this |
| motto ... An armed society|
| makes for a more civil |
| society! |
|
Topic: craigs list ad--too funny (Read 1831 times)
