Humor from Canada

[Fansome]

From rec.radio.shortwave.

> Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.
>
> Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter
> Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are
> asking.  Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted
> on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a
> joke; but the questions were really asked!
>
> Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
> (England)
> A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
> them die.
>
> Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
>  A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
>
> Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
> Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
>
> Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada?  Can you send me a
> list of them
> in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
> A: What, did your last slave die?
>
> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.  Ca-
> na-da is that big
> country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every
> Tuesday night in
> Calgary. Come naked.
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here
> and we'll
> send the rest of the directions.
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> is...oh forget it.
> Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and
> in Calgary,
> straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
> Where can I
> sell it in Canada?(USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
> population
> is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
> round?(Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
> illegal.
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
> name. It's a
> kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
> A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
> brains of anyone
> walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
> with human urine
> before you go out walking.
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.