In honor of the event President Elect Trump has decreed that all men attending the inaugural balls will dress as penguins.
The King of Mexico, El Chapo Guzman I will be in attendance. He and Trump have announced that Chapo will build the wall while Trump has directed the Army Corps of Engineers to build twelve lane one way tunnels from the Mexican states bordering the country into USA to facilitate he transshipment of Mexico's most valuable products to the United States market. Trump stated the impact would be "Yuge" and the profits, "Beyond bigly for both countries." Mr. Trump added, "It's the most profitable growth industry I've ever encountered!"
King Chapo for his part said, "El Naranjo es bizarro y stupido. El gato con la cabeza es borracho." Trump asked his new Ambassador to Mexico, Alfonzo Fansome' what that meant. Fansome' responded, "He thinks you've got cool hair and wants to know where you bought your wife's cans." Trump told Fansome' to say "Thanks" for the hair compliment and to try Dr. Howie Spiegelman's House of High Class Hooters, "I take all my new wives there. Nice rack, huh?", said Trump.
King Chapo thanked him and noted that Trump had "Manos suave y pequeno." to his laughing staff as they made their exit. Trump asked Fansome' to translate. Fansome' responded, "He thinks you're a really tough guy." "Tough knows tough." responded Trump.