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Author Topic: Bacon Cheese Jalapeno Soda Bread  (Read 477 times)

Offline moof

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Bacon Cheese Jalapeno Soda Bread
« on: January 31, 2017, 0045 UTC »
It's a forgiving recipe.  Epicurious and allrecipes took a shit on me and wouldn't publish my fun real life recipe with inaccurate measurements.  Of course those submissions were much more fun...I don't know..this is the toned down version.  Anal retentive buttholes.
The doughballs should be a bit sticky rather than dry before cooking.  It took several tries to mess with recipes online and get something I liked the best.  And chicks love bacon, cheese, and bread in that order.  It makes impressive grotesque shaped loaves that you will want to photograph and turn into QSL cards.  This stuff usually is devoured within an hour right out of the oven by the 3-4 of us.

Cheesy jalapeno bacon soda bread makes 2 medium loaves fits on pizza pan
   3 c bread/regular white flour (start with 2.5 cup and add as needed)
   1.5 tsp baking soda
   1 tsp baking powder
   1 tsp salt

   1 and 1/4 c buttermilk (can sub cup (small tub size) plain yogurt + cup milk).  Yes it needs to be acidic like buttermilk/yogurt.
   1 egg or 2. Who cares.  Nobody put eggs in the old soda bread recipes, just mainly the previous ingredients.
   2 TBSP vegetable oil (optional)

   8-10 slices hot cheese like pepperjack or habanero or ~1/2 bar of extra sharp cubed in 1/3 inch cubes
   About 10 slices bacon, cooked and chopped up or use 1/2 package of prefab tiny cubed ham, but bacon is better
   1 tsp rosemary ground up (optional)
   1 tsp oregano (kind of optional but the chicks love to smell that fragrant shit cooking)
   1 large jalapeno (or 2 small) diced as small as possible. Hell, I dont mind 3.

Directions
1.   Get the oven preheated to 425 and prepare bacon, grind up rosemary, slice the cheese, dice jalapeno. Set these aside in a pile.
2.   Mix the first 4 solids in a large bowl (3 liter + bowl if you don't want to get powder shit everywhere) teaspoon size items first.  Mix well.
3.   Whisk buttermilk, egg, and oil in another smaller bowl.  No whisk?  Tear it up with a fork until smooth.  Doesn't matter.
4.   Mix the last ingredients (cheese, bacon, herb of some sort, jalapeno) briefly into the large bowl with powders.
5.   Add liquid bowl to large bowl. Use a large spoon and mix it well for a minute. It will be sticky. You will want to add a tablespoon or two of flour a couple times as you go to get the doughball not so sticky.
6.   Dump it onto a floured surface and fold/punch it for a minute adding a tablespoon or two of flour to the surface and on top a few times forming a ball at the end. It might take a half cup + between adding powder to the bowl and dusting the kneading surface.  It will still stick to your hand but add flour to the point where it is getting close to not sticking.  Yeah your hand may look like it is melting off with all that crap stuck on it.  Flip that mass over, split in half, use both hands to spin/shape each chunk into two half hemispheres, flatten a little bit, transfer both flattened masses to a floured cookie sheet or pizza pan.  Better to be a bit sticky than add too much flour and be dry.
7.   Get a giant Jason knife and cut an X into the balls going all the way down to the pan. It NEEDS this to not be a giant doughball at the end.
8.   Drizzle melted butter on top and sprinkle extra salt and pepper on top.
9.   Cook at 425 about 30 minutes until toothpick comes out clean from several points in the center. My oven seem to run hot so I do 425 for about 15 minutes then back it off to 350 as soon as it starts to get decent brown forming on top to get it cooked through.  Stick toothpicks in a few places until they come out clean.  Or as clean as it can be with melted cheese inside.  Let it sit out and cool 10 minutes.
10.   Be prepared to grow a gut and weigh in 2-3 pounds heavier tomorrow.