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Author Topic: craigs list ad--too funny  (Read 1103 times)

Offline outhouse radio

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craigs list ad--too funny
« on: July 21, 2010, 2152 UTC »
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD    :D      To the Guy Who Tried to   |
|            Mug Me in Downtown        |
|             Savannah night before     |
|            last.                     |
|                                      |
|            Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43    |
|            a.m.  E.S.T.              |
|                                      |
|            I was the guy wearing the |
|            black Burberry jacket that|
|            you demanded that I hand  |
|            over, shortly after you   |
|            pulled the knife on me and|
|            my girlfriend, threatening|
|            our lives. You also asked |
|            for my girlfriend's purse |
|            and earrings. I can only  |
|            hope that you somehow come|
|            across this rather        |
|            important message.        |
|                                      |
|             First, I'd like to       |
|            apologize for your        |
|            embarrassment; I didn't   |
|            expect you to actually    |
|            crap in your pants when I |
|            drew my pistol after you  |
|            took my jacket. The       |
|            evening was not that cold,|
|            and I was wearing the     |
|            jacket for a reason. My   |
|            girlfriend had just bought|
|            me that Kimber Model      |
|            1911 .45 ACP pistol for my|
|            birthday, and we had      |
|            picked up a shoulder      |
|            holster for it that very  |
|            evening. Obviously you    |
|            agree that it is a very   |
|            intimidating weapon when  |
|            pointed at your head ...  |
|            isn't it?!                |
|             I know it probably wasn't|
|            fun walking back to       |
|            wherever you'd come from  |
|            with that brown sludge in |
|            your pants. I'm sure it   |
|            was even worse walking    |
|            bare-footed since I made  |
|            you leave your shoes, cell|
|            phone, and wallet with me.|
|            [That prevented you from  |
|            calling or running to your|
|            buddies to come help mug  |
|            us again].                |
|                                      |
|             After I called your      |
|            mother or "Momma" as you  |
|            had her listed in your    |
|            cell, I explained the     |
|            entire episode of what    |
|            you'd done. Then I went   |
|            and filled up my gas tank |
|            as well as those of four  |
|            other people in the gas   |
|            station, -- on your credit|
|            card. The guy with the big|
|            motor home took 150       |
|            gallons and was extremely |
|            grateful!                 |
|                                      |
|             I gave your shoes to a   |
|            homeless guy outside      |
|            Vinnie Van Go Go's, along |
|            with all the cash in your |
|            wallet. [That made his    |
|            day!]                     |
|                                      |
|             I then threw your wallet |
|            into the big pink "pimp   |
|            mobile" that was parked at|
|            the curb ... after I broke|
|            the windshield and side   |
|            window and keyed the      |
|            entire driver's side of   |
|            the car.                  |
|                                      |
|             Later, I called a bunch  |
|            of phone sex numbers from |
|            your cell phone. Ma Bell  |
|            just now shut down the    |
|            line, although I only used|
|            the phone for a little    |
|            over a day now, so what 's|
|            going on with that?       |
|            Earlier, I managed to get |
|            in two threatening phone  |
|            calls to the DA's office  |
|            and one to the FBI, while |
|            mentioning President Obama|
|            as my possible target.    |
|                                      |
|             The FBI guy seemed really|
|            intense and we had a nice |
|            long chat (I guess while  |
|            he traced your number     |
|            etc.).                    |
|                                      |
|             In a way, perhaps I      |
|            should apologize for not  |
|            killing you ... but I feel|
|            this type of retribution  |
|            is a far more appropriate |
|            punishment for your       |
|            threatened crime. I wish  |
|            you well as you try to    |
|            sort through some of these|
|            rather immediate pressing |
|            issues, and can only hope |
|            that you have the         |
|            opportunity to reflect    |
|            upon, and perhaps         |
|            reconsider, the career    |
|            path you've chosen to     |
|            pursue in life. Remember, |
|            next time you might not be|
|            so lucky.Have a good day! |
|            Thoughtfully yours,       |
|            Alex                      |
|                                      |
|            P.S. Remember this        |
|            motto ... An armed society|
|            makes for a more civil    |
|            society!                  |
|                                   8) ;) 
« Last Edit: July 21, 2010, 2154 UTC by outhouse radio »

Offline Tube Shortwave

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Re: craigs list ad--too funny
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2010, 1928 UTC »
It was not an actual personal ad.  It was a funny thing some guy wrote and posted on one of the CCW forums years ago.  People have reprinted it many times.  Although, it is STILL hilarious!