Innovative New Process Converts Vegetables Into Meat By Feeding Them To Cows

[ChrisSmolinski]

U.S.—Look out, Beyond Meat -- a new competitor has emerged in the market of turning vegetables into a food that tastes just like meat. But while companies like Beyond Meat use laboratories to turn vegetables into something tasty, this new process uses a much more natural method: feeding the vegetables to a cow.

The startup, which goes by the much simpler brand name of “Meat,” came upon this process after using hundreds of millions of venture capital dollars to research how to turn vegetable products into something delicious that could be used as a burger. “Vegetables are ugly and horrible, and no one likes them,” said Meat researcher Winston Sullivan. “We tried everything to make them edible, but nothing worked -- except maybe covering them in ranch dressing. But then we saw this creature, a cow, was eating the vegetables -- because it was so dumb and didn’t know any better or something -- and somehow afterward it became filled with tasty meat. It was amazing.”

Sullivan says they have no idea how the cow turns vegetables into something edible (they suspect witchcraft) but have now obtained many of these creatures so they can feed them inedible vegetables and harvest tasty, tasty meat. The results are already a hit, as restaurants like Five Guys have used the patties made from naturally processed vegetables to huge success.

Meat is now trying to see if the process can be repeated with other animals. They’re currently testing their process on a chicken, though they say that, so far, the results aren’t as good as from the cow unless the product is breaded and fried.

https://babylonbee.com/news/innovative-new-process-converts-vegetables-into-meat-by-feeding-them-to-cows

[Pigmeat]

That's because they don't let chickens run loose in a good sized barnyard. Chickens are omnivores, they'll eat anything they can catch, especially protein rich insects, grubs, worms and lizards. That's why chickens don't taste the way they used to, good.

Think of your chickens as the hogs of bird world, with one exception, you can't toss the nimrods who aggravate you into the section of the barnyard the chickens use, they don't dispose of them quickly enough. Throw them into the hog lot, there won't be a thing left of them in the morning.

[jta]

I didn't realize it was April first already... 

[Josh]

Pa, wut do we do wif em revnooers we kilt?

Hmm, spose we best feed em to the carnivrus cows, the pigs et the last batch yesterdy and are plum full.

[Skipmuck]

It's bad enough that it all tastes like chicken....we don't need no vegetables tasting like them too! 

https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-chicken-month-september/