Manatees, Legos, and the spring at my Florida place.

[Pigmeat]

I was out smoking a cigar, cussing at the manatees in my spring, when one spoke. It said, "Pigmeat, don't you recognize me?" I was mildly shocked, but walked closer to get a better look. They weren't manatees at all, they were bloated senior ladies floating in my spring.

I answered back, "I recognize your voice, but not your face, who are you?" The woman answered back, "It's me, Belinda, you silly ass." I rubbed my eyes and looked again, damned if it wasn't the Go-Go's!

I responded, "What are you girls doing here, I thought you were collecting Social Security at Cypress Gardens?" "Like Hell!", spouted the spunky Jane Wiedlin, "Some greedhead turned the entire place into a Legoland!" I replied, "What sort of fiend would do that?" Belinda spoke up, "Do you remember that weirdo from Pasadena who used to stalk me?" I muttered, "Don't tell me......"  Belinda said, "Yep, he bought Cypress Gardens. He threatened to evict us if I didn't give in to his twisted lust."

"Not the Auto Trader and baby oil thing again?" I asked. "No, it was goats and pumpkins this time around", replied Belinda. "What happened?", asked I "I gave him a swift kick in the clackers", piped in Jane.

"So he turned it into Legoland and evicted you, eh?" "Yes!" replied the ladies, en masse. "So what exactly can I do for you? You can stay here, of course, friends are friends, but is their anything I can specifically do to check the cad?" Jane looked at me with her dark deep eyes and fluttering upper lip hair and said, "Do you remember in '81 when you head-butted him outside the Roxy for grabbing Belinda's butt?" I said, "Of course, Bobo Brazil taught me that move when I was just a boy." Jane asked, "Do you think you can do it again? We didn't see or hear from him for years after that." To that I said,"I gave him the Baby Butt that night, it only produces minor brain bubbles. He probably wandered the countryside for a couple of decades until they popped. This time I'll give him the full Kardashian." "No, no, no!", said Belinda, "We don't want you to decapitate him, just addle him."

I thought a bit, then asked, "Do you girls know where a guy can pick up a spare penguin?"

[thomik]

That was a true "HUH" I'm learning, bur was it "Cracker".

[Pigmeat]

A "cracker" is a native of Florida and Georgia, so your confusion is natural. The fella I'm talking about hails from California. He's been chasing Belinda Carlisle since 1980. At her age she shouldn't be that hard to catch, but she can swing a mean walker.

[John Poet]

Belinda isn't as old as you, Pigmeat.

[ff]

They weren't manatees at all, they were bloated senior ladies floating in my spring.

Hey Pigmeat, how's Charlotte Caffey looking these days?  She's the one that always made me sing "Me Got The Beat".  Cindi Lauper isn't answering my emails so I'm kinda go-go-ing nuts here in my old age, looking for a manatee to share this single-wide with...

[Pigmeat]

Kind of bloated and pruny, Fred, but the poor woman has been living in a spring since Evil Al Fansome threw up Legoland as a monument to his ego. Once she dries out, I'll let you know.

Belinda is older than San Andreas Fault, Poet. Al started chasing her when the Pacific Plate smacked into the North American plate creating the Sierra's.

I guess the threat of cold penguin justice sent the Cad of CalTech to ground. I haven't seen the old mossback today.

[Pigmeat]

I've been salting the girls down. They're drying nicely. A couple of days in the smokehouse and they'll be good to go.