I hear there is a newly introduced package they offer for really patriotic ,red necked ,red blooded.Americans.
For a decent charge they will load your ashes into military cartridges bound for far off places to kill Muslims . The extra charge is hefty at 10 grand ,but totally tax deductible as the proceeds go directly to the US military.What better way to support your nation,now that it's broke .You receive for your mantle a nice depleted uranium engraved case with your loved ones name and kill ratio for their ammunition lot.Which is meticulously recorded ,including women and children.
I even heard that George Bush himself had the ammunition that killed Osama Bin Laden loaded with one of his favorite dogs ashes.What a way to add insult to injury!!