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« on: July 07, 2020, 1833 UTC »
Yeah, been about 20 years since this was out, so here it is, again. Catch y'all in 2040!!!!
You were in radio before 1970 if you...
>
>Remember Joe Pyne and "Mooo-tual News!"
>
>Threw away the transcription disk players to put in Tapecaster cart
>machines.
>
>Can name the Conelrad frequencies...or even remember what Conelrad was.
>
>Worked at a campus radio station that used carrier current
>transmission...on AM.
>
>Managed to pass your "third phone" and took meter readings every thirty
>minutes during your on-air shift...or at least faked them.
>
>Think Wolfman Jack or Clint Eastwood in "Play Misty for Me" is the
>greatest jock of all time.
>
>Can name the first record you played by Elvis or The Beatles.
>
>Wouldn't put a song on the air if it had "damn" or "hell" in the lyrics.
>
>Got your start in the biz doing anything that had to be done at a
>daytime AM in Bum****, Egypt.
>
>Bleeped out spots for Martini and Rossi vermouth during network
>newscasts because the station was located in a "dry" county.
>
>Had an opening and closing theme song for your show.
>
>Know what Don Imus did before WFAN and CNBC.
>
>Carried a rate card with only two prices...one for thirties, one for
>sixties.
>
>Got your first real job in radio on a classical music FM with a total
>audience of six people.
>
>Know who Arthur Godfrey was...and probably ran board for his show
>somewhere.
>
>Worked at a station where somebody who got fired loosened the bolts on
>the tower guy wires.
>
>Scratched up tracks on an LP or a "B" side with a screwdriver so your
>jocks couldn't "accidentally" play them on the air.
>
>Quoted ratings from Pulse and Hooper.
>
>Stopped "spinnin' the hits" to join CBS News at the top of the hour.
>
>Worked at a station where the weekend guy was always named Johnny
>Holiday and the night jock was named Dan Dark so the jingles didn't have
>to be changed when they ultimately got canned.
>
>Got your on-air "chops" practicing in the production room after
>midnight.
>
>Brought records from home to play on your show.
>
>Got "hot-lined" by the owner...or the owner's wife.>
>Ever tried to hoist your station banner to the top of the competitor's
>tower.
>
>Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on reel-to-reel tape.
>
>Had a show on the air that didn't fit the station's format at all...just
>because some sponsor had been buying that slot for years.
>
>Air-checked your show on the big Ampex in the production room.
>
>Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found some of them selling
>spots for the competition.
>
>
>
>You were in radio before 1980 if you...
>
>
>Ever had a client tell you that rock or country music would never make
>it on FM...and had an owner or GM who agreed.
>
>Did a promotion to give away FM car-radio converters.
>
>Put a quarter on a tone arm so it wouldn't jump off a warped demo 45 you
>just had to play...and it was the only copy the station got.
>
>Could remember the intro time and the color of the record label on every
>song you played...but couldn't recite any of the lyrics except the first
>and last lines.
>
>Know what PAMS were.
>
>Ever sped up the turntable to get more songs in during an hour and to
>make the competition sound "draggy."
>
>Worked at a campus radio station that was on FM but ran less than ten
>watts of power.
>
>Started a 45 at 33 1/3 or vice versa...and didn't notice because you
>were on the phone with a listener of the opposite sex.
>
>Air-checked your show on a boombox beneath the console.
>
>Ever interviewed an artist on the air who was too stoned to be coherent.
>
>Wouldn't put a song on the air that had any of George Carlin's famous
>words in it...but pretty much anything else went.
>
>Know what Erica Farber did before Radio & Records.
>
>Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on a cassette swiped from the
>sales office or newsroom.
>
>Worked at a station that had a newsroom!
>
>Can remember the first record you played by The Doors or Janis Joplin or
>the Allman Brothers.
>
>Got your start in the biz running preacher tapes on Sunday morning.
>>Think either Scott Shannon or that guy in the movie "FM" is the greatest
>jock of all time.
>
>Accidentally let a listener say something obscene on the air because you
>didn't really have a delay.
>
>Got your on-air "chops" doing a 3 AM-to-5:30 AM shift for minimum wage.
>
>Worked at a station where somebody got fired and, on his way out, ran a
>magnet up and down the commercial-cart rack.
>
>Got "hot-lined" by the PD.
>
>Had a customized jingle with your name in it.
>
>Once pretended to (or maybe really did) smoke a joint on the air.
>
>Got your first real job in radio...doing mid-days on an AM
>easy-listening station with a total audience of six folks.
>
>Took a trip to a "showcase" at record company expense and never actually
>got around to hearing the label's act perform.
>
>Worked the overnight shift and had to wake up the morning guy (who was
>sleeping off a bender on the lobby couch) so he could do his show.
>
>Arranged to meet people of the opposite sex that you talked to on the
>request line, but some place where you could see them before they could
>see you.
>
>Did a remote with a mic amp and a pair of alligator clips connected to
>the telephone mouthpiece.
>
>Included the words "FM Stereo" as part of your legal ID.
>
>Watched your music director put colored dots on each record shuck to
>tell you which category they belonged in.
>
>Never worked for a station that was not actually licensed to the city
>where the studio was located.
>
>Paid money for air checks of Don Imus, Don Steele, Cousin Brucie or
>other big market jocks so you could emulate their style.
>
>Assumed that syndication meant "King Biscuit Flower Hour" and "Earth
>News."
>
>Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found them working for an FM
>station somewhere.
>
>
>
>You were in radio before 1990 if you...
>
>
>Had to re-dub a seven-minute song to cart because you forgot to run it
>through the splice finder first.
>
>Recorded spots on half-inch multi-track.
>
>Ran an EBS test off cart and forgot to punch the tones button on the>unit in the rack.
>
>Could take a job at the big rival station across town without being
>afraid your old station would buy them next week.
>
>Had a "jock shout" jingle with your name.
>
>Quoted ratings from Birch.
>
>Worked at a campus radio station that played music nobody in the frat
>houses had ever heard of...but that was so-o-o-o cool to you and your
>friends.
>
>Know what Lee Abrams did before satellite radio.
>
>Got "hot-lined" by the consultant...from poolside at his place in
>Malibu.
>
>Had your girlfriends/boyfriends aircheck your show at their places so
>the processing would make your voice sound better.
>
>Can remember the first record you played by George Strait or Madonna.
>
>Never worked for a station that was actually licensed to the city where
>the main studio was located.
>
>Thought all records came from the label rep with cash or a small baggie
>of controlled substance shoved inside the sleeve.
>
>Think Tom Joyner, "The Greaseman," or Dr. Johnny Fever is the greatest
>jock of all time.
>
>Worked at a station where somebody who got fired put sugar in the gas
>tank of the station van.
>
>Made sure your music director did a music log on the computer every
>day...but he sometimes forgot to leave the print-out in the control room
>for the overnight guy.
>
>Ever worked for a station that proudly proclaimed its format to be
>"Soul," "Underground," "Countrypolitan," "Easy Listening," "Disco," or
>"Hot Hits."
>
>Got your on-air "chops" doing a weekend shift.
>
>Got your first real job in radio...as promotion assistant, washing the
>van, delivering registration boxes to sponsor locations, and sorting tee
>shirts by size.
>
>Ever had an FCC inspector walk in and tell you to turn the transmitter
>off and then back on using the remote control.
>
>Quoted ratings from Accuratings.
>
>Thought "Clear Channel" was an AM frequency that had only one station in
>the whole country licensed to it.
>
>Try to look up your old on-air staff and find them doing talk radio
>somewhere.
>
>>
>You were not in radio until AFTER 1990 if...
>
>
>
>The only kind of "vinyl" you know about is the material covering the
>walls in the sales lounge.
>
>You think a 45 is some kind of new spot length the corporate guys want
>you to start selling so they can get more units in a break.
>
>Tape, turntables and cart machines, so far as you know, are only to be
>found in the Museum of Broadcasting or non-rated Arbitron markets.
>
>You ever airchecked your show from the station's Internet stream.
>
>You tell people your morning show's live...and so what if it does come
>from Charlotte, Dallas or LA?
>
>You worked at a campus radio station that ran commercials and had a
>sales staff.
>
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