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Topics - Pigmeat

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Huh? / It looks like we're down to two, Al.
« on: March 02, 2016, 1312 UTC »
Who are we supporting for President, the Angry Orange Beaver or Canklesaurus Regina?

Huh? / Nice shot, Al!
« on: February 26, 2016, 1103 UTC »
That first pumpkin launch went great. Down range and into the Atlantic off Brazil just as we predicted.

Al, have you heard about this? Are we ahead of the dullards behind this thing?

The possibilities have me intrigued. As pumpkins are native to Antarctica and the ozone there is thin, they should thrive in the harsh Martian climate, providing organic matter for the soil for further seeding of sustainable life on the Red Planet. All we have to do now is genetically modify penguins to survive the Martian atmosphere.

We would have venomous buffer planet of attack penguins to divert space rocks and aliens from infiltrating the inner solar system. If we set the colonies up in the right patterns,after a few years you could see our smiling faces on the surface of Mars sculpted in guano.

Humanity would be saved and future astronomers stunned by our striking good looks.

Huh? / Manatees, Legos, and the spring at my Florida place.
« on: February 23, 2016, 1133 UTC »
I was out smoking a cigar, cussing at the manatees in my spring, when one spoke. It said, "Pigmeat, don't you recognize me?" I was mildly shocked, but walked closer to get a better look. They weren't manatees at all, they were bloated senior ladies floating in my spring.

I answered back, "I recognize your voice, but not your face, who are you?" The woman answered back, "It's me, Belinda, you silly ass." I rubbed my eyes and looked again, damned if it wasn't the Go-Go's!

I responded, "What are you girls doing here, I thought you were collecting Social Security at Cypress Gardens?" "Like Hell!", spouted the spunky Jane Wiedlin, "Some greedhead turned the entire place into a Legoland!" I replied, "What sort of fiend would do that?" Belinda spoke up, "Do you remember that weirdo from Pasadena who used to stalk me?" I muttered, "Don't tell me......"  Belinda said, "Yep, he bought Cypress Gardens. He threatened to evict us if I didn't give in to his twisted lust."

"Not the Auto Trader and baby oil thing again?" I asked. "No, it was goats and pumpkins this time around", replied Belinda. "What happened?", asked I "I gave him a swift kick in the clackers", piped in Jane.

"So he turned it into Legoland and evicted you, eh?" "Yes!" replied the ladies, en masse. "So what exactly can I do for you? You can stay here, of course, friends are friends, but is their anything I can specifically do to check the cad?" Jane looked at me with her dark deep eyes and fluttering upper lip hair and said, "Do you remember in '81 when you head-butted him outside the Roxy for grabbing Belinda's butt?" I said, "Of course, Bobo Brazil taught me that move when I was just a boy." Jane asked, "Do you think you can do it again? We didn't see or hear from him for years after that." To that I said,"I gave him the Baby Butt that night, it only produces minor brain bubbles. He probably wandered the countryside for a couple of decades until they popped. This time I'll give him the full Kardashian." "No, no, no!", said Belinda, "We don't want you to decapitate him, just addle him."

I thought a bit, then asked, "Do you girls know where a guy can pick up a spare penguin?"

North American Shortwave Pirate / unid 6340 2330 UTC 20 Feb 2016
« on: February 20, 2016, 2348 UTC »
running old radio dramas. A male voice with an NYC area accent came on and announced it was "The Classic Radio Network".

I'm not sure if this is a pirate, a new frequency and/or unedited feed for OTR, or some guy broadcasting from his house to his radio shack? About an S-4 with fades and local electrical noise. The audio is solid when rises up clear of the noise.

Huh? / Gerald Bull and his supergun.........
« on: February 19, 2016, 0027 UTC »
Al, I have Bull's plans for the Babylon gun. I own several prime hillsides and have open access to a junkyard with heavy duty used sections of gas pipeline. What say we bolt them together and try to put a dx'er in orbit? I think you know the one I have in mind.

One question, do we do our tests with cats, nutria, or watermelons? I initially thought of pumpkins or alligators, but that guy in Florida stole our thunder by launching an alligator into a Wendy's last week. The former has been done, albeit the pumpkins falling far short of low Earth orbit.

What do you think?

Huh? / Disaster of Biblical proportions in Antartica!
« on: February 14, 2016, 0131 UTC »
Rooters - "One hundred and fifty thousand Adelie penguins were killed when an iceberg the size of Luxembourg crushed a major rookery. Scientist suspect deliberate avianicide caused by weather manipulating activities at the former HAARP facility in Alaska.

The question is, who is behind the assault on the adorable, super-intelligent, harmless, and flightless birds? Jack Hanna of the Columbus Zoo was said to have commented, 'What sort of evil could commit such a heinous act? ISIL, North Korea, Justin Bieber, Al Fansome? The possibilities are endless.'

The owners of the HAARP facility, FANCO Inc. couldn't be reached for comment."

This one ain't gonna be too hard to figure out. Ol' Brain Bubbles is in big trouble now.

Huh? / Speaking of waves......
« on: February 12, 2016, 0157 UTC »
I've got a bunch of damned manatees in the spring at my Florida place. Could someone drive over and chuck a couple of sticks of dynamite in the spring? You can keep the meat. Thanks.

Are they there to assist Peyton Manning in his Assumption into Paradise or just for the Gatorade bath?

Huh? / How's the python round-up going, Al?
« on: February 06, 2016, 0135 UTC »
Is Team FANCO winning?

Huh? / Al, have you heard if the Smith Mountain Lake Hutch.........
« on: January 24, 2016, 2312 UTC »
survived the blizzard?

Huh? / Possible evidence of Planet X detected ........
« on: January 22, 2016, 0727 UTC »
by scientists at CalTech. Bob Dobbs and Al Fansome have flown to Kazakhstan to await confirmation from CalTech and get dibs on the window seats.

Huh? / Sean Penn drops a dime on El Chapo.......
« on: January 12, 2016, 0027 UTC »
There's a lot of Spiccolli in that undersized empty head.

Huh? / Rumor.......
« on: December 30, 2015, 0723 UTC »
Have any of you folks heard anything about a troop of wild monkey's taking over a State Park and residential neighborhoods near Ocala, FL? I've heard the troop may be led by a member of this board once nicknamed "The Humanzee". Nutria and muskrats are said to be fleeing the area, using KFC's as makeshift refugee camps. KFC has issued a simple "No comment."

Could some of you internet mavens check it out for me? Thanks!

Huh? / New Star Wars movie.......
« on: December 21, 2015, 0159 UTC »
Losing all that weight to fit into that 40 year old bikini to go as Princess Leia for the premier must have been a chore for Al. I hope it got him a good seat.

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