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Topics - Pigmeat

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Huh? / Al, do you neeed me to pick you up at the Philly airport...
« on: March 02, 2017, 0117 UTC »
for Winterfest? I understand our admirers are all revved up to finally meet us in the flesh. (Well, except for Kracker. I met him once, he acted like he was scared to death of me? He was probably intimidated by my stunning good looks and towering intellect.)

It must be tough to be a regular run of the mill pirate, then encounter Radio Gods such as ourselves. LMK, if you need a ride. I'll be driving the Huppmobile to make it easy for you to spot me.

Huh? / Those boys at Radio Trump need to play.....
« on: February 16, 2017, 1756 UTC »
Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper's "Gonna Put My Face On A Nuclear Bomb" considering all that Don's accomplished in the past couple of days.

He said it's where all the cool geeks want to live. When I told him that I had a friend who had been a Fleming man who was pretty keeno, he hocked a loogy, spit, and pointed to it saying, "That's the finest phlegm to ever come from CalTech." As it was green and shiny it was tough to disagree with him, but I fought on doggedly. I said, "Listen Bub, does the name 'Fansome' mean anything to you?" He guffawed and replied, "Fansome? Alluvial O. Fansome? That's the fool who stole the cannon from that private school and had to give back. Is he still riding the little Segway?" "Not since he got swallowed by the gator!", I tossed back.

Well wouldn't you know it, the little jackass starts laughing and shouts, "Ha! Ol' Gator Bait Al! I knew he'd never solve cold fusion!" I'd had enough, I grabbed that piss-ant by the collar and the waistband of his Wendy's uniform, hauled him into the men's room and gave him an hour of swirlies, all the time shouting "Are you going to make fun of my pal Al again?" to which he would respond "No sir!" and I would say "Wrong answer! Back in the crapper!" Either the bright boy figured it out, or he saw that bright tunnel, but as he was turning blue he muttered, "God help me, Al Fansome." I said, "That's the right answer, Junior. Now what do you know about MIT stealing the Fleming Cannon in the 80's?"

BTW, he got fired for spitting on the counter and clogging the toilet. Serves him right!

Huh? / Al, the World Health Organization needs your help!
« on: February 07, 2017, 1808 UTC »
It seems Putin has weaponized penguin venom to silence the opposition. Since you're the only known survivor of penguin poisoning, albeit with a few minor brain bubbles, they would like some samples of your toenail clippings to study your DNA for an antidote.

Send them to WHO Box 24 Lula, GA 30554 with "hoof samples" written on the envelope. The fellow there will walk it over to the CDC and they'll send it to the WHO. Thanks Al!

General Radio Discussion / Happy Groundhog Day!
« on: February 02, 2017, 1541 UTC »
To one and all in honor of nature's most noble and prescient beast, the Groundhog. Huzzah!

I think he's Spiro's boy, but I'm not sure? Either way he's talked Supreme Leader Putin into loaning him a dual reactor nuclear icebreaker to locate the northern entrance to the Hollow Earth and needs 100 hundred talented and able-bodied men to accompany him on the journey into the earth and out the other end. The thing will bust through 50 feet of ice, so getting there should be no trouble.

I heard him on that font of truth, "Coast to Coast AM" early this morning. I thought to myself, "This sounds like one for me and Al." I can get my jonboat where other men fear to row, while you know all the penguin dialects we'll need to trade for food once we come out the other side. When I heard "Jerry from Norfolk" call in at the end of the show, as he usually does, ranting about how it was "An affront to God and man!", I knew I had to sign us up. Agnew was stunned when I called after the show, he never expected the likes of us to join in. Your name is a door opener throughout the greater Pasadena area according to Brooks. He say's liquor stores literally have to drag you off the stoop to open. Dang Al, I knew you were modest, but a man with that kind of reputation shouldn't hide his light under a basket!

Tell that gal we're fighting over she'll just have to wait. If we don't make it back alive tell her to marry that English guy with the talking wheelchair or that walking, talking, groundhog from Santa Clara who invented all of Smolinski's computers. If we survive, we'll pick up Amelia on the way home and match nickels on who gets who.

Huh? / Happy Penguin Day to one and all!
« on: January 20, 2017, 0705 UTC »
In honor of the event President Elect Trump has decreed that all men attending the inaugural balls will dress as penguins.

The King of Mexico, El Chapo Guzman I will be in attendance. He and Trump have announced that Chapo will build the wall while Trump has directed the Army Corps of Engineers to build twelve lane one way tunnels from the Mexican states bordering the country into USA to facilitate he transshipment of Mexico's most valuable products to the United States market. Trump stated the impact would be "Yuge" and the profits, "Beyond bigly for both countries." Mr. Trump added, "It's the most profitable growth industry I've ever encountered!"

King Chapo for his part said, "El Naranjo es bizarro y stupido. El gato con la cabeza es borracho." Trump asked his new Ambassador to Mexico, Alfonzo Fansome' what that meant. Fansome' responded, "He thinks you've got cool hair and wants to know where you bought your wife's cans." Trump told Fansome' to say "Thanks" for the hair compliment and to try Dr. Howie Spiegelman's House of High Class Hooters, "I take all my new wives there. Nice rack, huh?", said Trump.

King Chapo thanked him and noted that Trump had "Manos suave y pequeno." to his laughing staff as they made their exit. Trump asked Fansome' to translate. Fansome' responded, "He thinks you're a really tough guy." "Tough knows tough." responded Trump.

I was listening to the "John Batchelor Show" on WJR last night and he was talking with an astronomer about it. I caught the last few minutes and didn't hear the gist of the discussion.

Why are the bigwigs in Las Vegas afraid to let popular card games like "Go Fish!" and "Old Maid" into the casinos? It's got to beat the nickel slots for cleaning the kiddies out out of their pocket change. What are they afraid of?

Bacon, BBQ, Beef, And More / Poached eggs on toast.....
« on: January 17, 2017, 0253 UTC »
So easy even Al can do it. Well, mebbe.

You're going to need two eggs, two slices of bread, a bowl, a plate, a slotted spoon, and a pot for the water. This is a quick one.

Fill the pot with 2 inches of water and place over medium heat, crack the eggs and let them rest in the bowl. When the water is between a simmer and a boil, stir with the spoon and add the eggs as the water is still rotating. This sets the whites. Set your timer just shy of two minutes and throw the bread in the toaster.

When the water comes back to a boil the loose whites are going to try to boil over, cut the heat back, skim, and dispose. Slowly bring the heat back up.

Throw the now ready toast on the plate, and if the timer is close to two minutes, pull off the heat. They'll continue to cook until you get to the table. Use the slotted spoon to put the eggs on the slices of toast. Grab a fork, salt. and pepper and eat up. This will produce an egg just a tad more cooked that "over easy" if you were frying them. Clean up is easy to.

I've been making them this way since I was 8. I'm not dead yet. Everyone thinks poached eggs are difficult. They're dead easy if you know the spin technique and have the amazing slotted spoon.

Huh? / Al Fansome, you are missing a big obituary. Matlock can wait!
« on: January 17, 2017, 0224 UTC »
Get out of the recliner and on the stick, ya old coot! This one's big I tell ya! Big!

Huh? / Al, I've got my cap set on a Geek Goddess....
« on: January 16, 2017, 1919 UTC »
and I don't think the course on "How To Pick Up Girls" at good ol' Trump U. will work. I've got a feeling she'd crack my skull if I tried lifting her from there, and she's not a simple large bladdered "model" from the Slavic world you can just toss money at. This is going to to take some skill.

I'm thinking about showing up at her house in one of my best Nudie suits with flowers and my dobrolele warbling out Slim Whitman's "Indian Love Call". All Geek Goddesses have seen "Mars Attacks!" and proof of my ability to defend a woman from just such an invasion is bound to score big points with her, plus make her evil guardian's head explode. The man has blind spot when it comes to Slim and I suspect he is not of this world. (I've got to get him outside so she's not distracted by the mess. The pythons and gators will take care of what's left.)

Now, do I launch straight into Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game"? Or do wait until the next day when I stop by with a box of candy and a box of kittens, in my of top line Nudie, with an old Gibson acoustic that has "Lets Get Hitched!" in cut-out letters on the back for the grand finale as Earnest Tubb himself might have done? I think I'll go the Tubb route. Earnest half brother, Wash, was uglier than homemade sin, but he had women fighting over him from following Brother Earn's method.

To be a perfect gentleman, I'll wait until her guardian's funeral is over and the grave has been filled before launching into, "I'm Walking The Dirt Over You." accompanied by the Palmer Peninsula Yearling Penguin Marching Kazoo Corps. Heck, we might do "Drivin' Nails In My Coffin" for you when your time comes? I know how fond you are of the little fellers.

Huh? / Curse you Al Fansome!
« on: January 12, 2017, 1709 UTC »
You and your catfish on a stick have poisoned me! I don't know why my dear Cousin, Col. Sartoris let you on the place for the Midwinter Anvil Shooting, Barn Burning, and Dwarf Launching Tournament in Yoknapatawpha County yesterday?

There he was guys, with his "Catfish On a Stick" cart. "Come over and sit next me to me, Pigmeat." he says. Then he hands me one of the devilishly delicious creations. I ate my fill. Now I'm in a hospital in Oxford on a glucose drip after having my stomach pumped. "Alligator gar poisoning" was the diagnosis. The authorities are on to you. You don't counterfeit the Sainted Fish of The South in Mississippi and get away with it.

You better get out of Mississippi before the Col. catches up with you, Fansome. He'll launch you further than he did that Missouri dwarf that used the illegal accelerant in Barn Burning quarter-finals. I understand that little feller landed on the grounds of the Federal lock-up in Atlanta. Col. John has an uncanny aim.

Huh? / "Piss boy! Oh, Piss Boy!"
« on: January 11, 2017, 1605 UTC »
Darn that Mel Brooks and his catchy lines! This one became stuck in my head last night, but for the life of me I can figure out why? And it seems to be in a Russian accent?

Anyone have a clue why?

General Radio Discussion / Heads up!
« on: January 08, 2017, 1832 UTC »
My long time station Yahoo station addy was rendered defunct in the leaks. Do not open or respond to any Yahoo emails with my name attached, it's definitely not me and is likely malware.

If you've been trying to contact me and haven't heard back this is why. I can be contacted here via pm if needed. I should have new email up and running as soon as few things on the home front are settled. Thanks.

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