Topics

106

Huh? / Shady Acres...

« on: September 01, 2019, 1937 UTC »

Has Al evacuated or is he over at Mar-A-Lago helping the Trumpites drag the Great Orange One's golden throne out on the beach so the Howling Pumpkin can hold off the storm? If Pat Robertson can turn away hurricanes, so can Al and DJT.

DJT:"Strap him in men!"
Trumpites:"Huh? We thought you were going to do it?"
DJT:"Not with my bone spurs! I've got a hurricane deferment from the President himself, who happens to be me. Now get to it! Good luck, ol' What's-Yer-Name."
Al:"Aaaah!"
DJT:"That's what she said, heh, heh, heh! Tape his yap shut and let's get out of this soon to be dump. Boy, am I going to clean up on the insurance money for the rebuild! Tie Kellyanne to his lap, her husband is one of Hillary's spies, plus she's tough to look at before noon. So long suckers!"

107

Huh? / CalTech struck by 7.1 magnitude earthquake...

« on: July 06, 2019, 0947 UTC »

but survived with absolutely no damage. The rest of Southern California slid into the Pacific. Hmm...

That's some ley line you Illuminati boys built that place on, Al. Did your founder do his dowsing with a willow switch or plumb bob to find the right spot in the L.A. basin to put the place?

I'll see you at Bohemian Grove. We can df and pee on Alex Jones secret cameras.

108

Huh? / Al, 10 years ago today...

« on: July 05, 2019, 2223 UTC »

I was told Pat Murphy aka Commander Bunny aka Bill O. Rights, born Jerry M. Graves, was dying of "terminal cancer", by three of his cronies, leprechaun, a gnome, and a regular looking guy while they were grilling me about your "real" name at a cookout. As the Virginia Bunnyman had told me he was "dying of terminal cancer" some five years before on the phone when he'd got himself into a mess, I wasn't buying what they were selling that fifth of July, but I played along.

This afternoon while recalling the incident, it struck me we should track this Jerry Graves/Pat Murphy character down and extract some of his DNA. Big Pharma would pay big bucks for something like that. I know he's not at the Smith Mountain Lake Hutch, he's scared of snakes. (Why I don't know? He is one.) Perhaps while we're at it, we can probe his brain and find out what motivates him to turn in other pirates to the authorities for no earthly reason? Is it the shadow of the Almighty Radio Bob
lurking in his past or was he crazy as a March Hare long before Bob stumbled into his sights? There are effective medications for paranoia these days, perhaps he should see a shrink?

He was a strange old coot.

109

Huh? / Tic-Tac UFO's running circles around our most sophisticated fighters!

« on: June 26, 2019, 1023 UTC »

Why in creation would a breath mint favored by lounge lizards, used car salesmen, and drunken teenagers suddenly take to the air at hypersonic speeds? The answer is it wouldn't. They're unmanned Mexican Chiclet drones launched in reaction to Trump's bluster about embargo's.

I guess the Donald wasn't aware that the Mexican Space Agency put an Orca named Willzyx on the Moon well over a decade ago? If they can do that, they can do anything.

110

Huh? / Sneaky Wallenda's!

« on: June 25, 2019, 0944 UTC »

They used "safety lines" for that time wasting stunt Sunday night. If the city knew they were going to use safety lines, they should have passed out potato cannons to the crowd to make it interesting! Fair is fair. 95% of those folks rolled out to watch them plunge two hundred and fifty feet to their deaths. The city should have taken their citizens desires into account and made 'em walk it at gunpoint, no safety lines. Bill De Blasio is going to have a tough time getting re-elected after this fiasco.

New York City has gone to Hell since Steve Brody made his leap from the newly completed Brooklyn Bridge.

111

Huh? / Huck and Tom at it again.

« on: June 24, 2019, 1213 UTC »

Runaway hot air balloon at the Hannibal, MO. Fair, according to ABC News. Huck and Jim were last seen in the thing headed to Illinois. Tom was said to be keeping pace in Pa Finn's jonboat.

Life on the Mississippi sure is exciting!

112

Huh? / Al, I ran across something on Belinda...

« on: June 11, 2019, 1914 UTC »

It seems she was an entertainer of sorts in Cuba in the 1930's/40's. She even had a perfecto cigar named after her, a short thick perfecto called the Belinda Belinda, but affectionately known by consumers as "The Flying Pig".

A question for you; Is Belinda the long lost daughter of Amelia Earhart?

Either way, she was no Iris Chacon. Or even Charo.

113

Huh? / Another eight climbers presumed dead...

« on: June 08, 2019, 2253 UTC »

in the Himalaya's this year. Why, oh, why, in a country where cattle are considered holy, weren't these fools riding sure-footed climbing cows to the top of the montain?

114

Huh? / Al, you do know our law is based on English Common Law, don't you?

« on: June 07, 2019, 0950 UTC »

And it was amended when the Brit's were expanding into the Caribbean to keep sex-starved Royal Navy sailors from jumping ship and taking up with manatees? Well, it's still on the books. Your marriage to Belinda is null and void. Get her out of Shady Acres swimming pool or the authorities will be over to pick her up for the county's annual "Critter Dinner" on the 4th of July.

Now get her in the nearest canal, pronto! You and Belinda can thank me for the life saving heads up later. Time is too short for gabbing about the details.

Is it true manatees only eat cats? That could explain why your girlfriends cat's keep going missing. I hope she still doesn't lurk here, but this is an emergency. Good luck!

115

Huh? / Rocky Erickson has been dead nearly a week...

« on: June 04, 2019, 1019 UTC »

and not a peep out of the "King of The Obits", Al Fansome.

Where were you at, Al? Still dosing in the stands at Indy waiting for a scoop on a fatal wreck? Jeezus Palomino, you're getting more useless by the day!

116

Huh? / Al, you're a famous scientist...

« on: May 28, 2019, 2223 UTC »

Why do people in "Tornado Alley" continue to live in trailers? Tornado's seem to hate trailers, targeting them first. Are they slow to adjust? Is Dr. Tornado forcing them to live in trailers? Why don't they wise up and go back to sod houses of their ancestors. Those things could support several large cows on the roof, a trailer not a single cow w/o major damage.

Flatlanders wise up! Go back to the noble soddies or hogans of the past before it's too late.

117

Huh? / Al, the next time you're in Vegas...

« on: May 27, 2019, 1856 UTC »

for one of your "Geek-Cons" hit the local exotic animal stores and pick me up a half dozen female penguins and a couple of males. I've got an idea about introducing them to the lower St. Lawrence estuary to fill the niche the extinct puffin population left in the food chain.

Doing good sure beats bitching about poor wireless. Plus, your stalking of Wozniak and Draper is getting noticed. Everyone is wondering how you can stand being downwind of those two notorious non-bathers?

118

Huh? / Al, I'm so sorry about Doris Day dying.

« on: May 13, 2019, 1625 UTC »

Belinda must be shattered to have her youngest granddaughter pass away at such a tender age.

119

Huh? / Is Belinda perfoming at Weeki-Watchee Springs, Al...

« on: April 24, 2019, 1737 UTC »

or have you put your foot down on her wobbling around underwater like an ancient hoochie-coochie dancer since the nuptials? She scares the kids at the park, Al.

120

Huh? / Julian Assange arrested by UK police...

« on: April 11, 2019, 1023 UTC »

I wonder if he's got the "Doc Martin Treatment" yet? Be strong Julie, those UK prisons aren't a walk in the back garden of the Ecuadoran Embassy. Every guy in that jailhouse will be looking take a shot or five at you to up their rep.

Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy. Congrats!